"Kiss My Ass"

by Harold
(Sugarbaker)

I have a co-worker who I am friendly with for the most part. But he gets in these moods and basically acts like he is an 8 year old. He is extremely childish and will do and say things that can get out of hand and just get on your nerves after a while. Don't get me wrong....I AM ALL FOR FUN!!!! But this guy just goes overboard sometimes and doesn't know when to quit.

Well, for months now he has been sending me stupid emails again and again and again all throughout the day EVERY SINGLE DAY just to clog my email box. They don't even say anything...just emails. I have no idea why this is so funny to him. Some days I just delete the emails, some days I laugh along, some days I ask him to stop because I am busy and sick of seeing all the emails popping up. When he doesn't stop after asking him to, I get pissed.

Yesterday he decided to recruit someone else to do the same thing to me. So I got double the emails. I was very very busy at work and all the emails popping up was BEYOND pissing me off. I asked them to stop, told them to stop and then BITCHED THEM OUT and they laughed in my face and continued. I could not believe 2 grown men would act like this. I felt like I was in junior high being bullied.

I went home that night so angry. I couldn't sleep and when I finally fell asleep, I just woke back up and then was up the rest of the night. I was going nuts trying to think of what I can do to make this stop.

Now keep in mind, I cannot go to a manager about this. They would have to look into our email accounts to prove these emails have taken place. And I admit, I have many personal emails I have sent from my work email that I don't want them seeing. (Wrong...I know, but I am sure we all have done it).

Knowing that ignoring it, playing along, getting mad, and telling the boss all weren't going to work, I had to come up with a plan. I also knew that if I retaliate, I will only get worse back as there are 2 of them and one of me.

I got to work the next day and it came to me....I needed to do something back to them that they wouldn't even know happened. I already know the emails aren't going to stop but at least when I see them, I will smile knowing I fucked them over so much worse then their little email prank...


Their shift is an hour after mine. I discreetly went to the mastermind's desk and grabbed his headset. I went to the bathroom, pulled down my pants, and stuck the microphone up my ass and scraped it around in there (After my morning dump of course). I folded it back up being very careful not to touch the fresh pooh juice on the microphone and brought it back to his desk, hooked it back up to his phone and went back to my desk.

Every time an email came, I sat back and laughed my ass off. I might not be able to make it stop right now, but I know I have the bigger laugh!

Now he can LITERALLY "Kiss My Ass".

(The other guy is going to get what's coming to him too. And I hate him more so look out, bro. )